It's Pay Back Time
by StarsHollow4ever
Summary: It’s Rory and Jess’ first Thanksgiving together and they’ve just shared a kiss that Dean has just witnessed. WARNING TO LITERATI LOVERS: This is a major Jess spoof. FOR JAVA JUNKIES: There is a happy ending. Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

****It's Pay Back Time ****

**Genre**: Drama/Comedy/**Alternative** **Universe/Spoof**  
**Pairings**: Rory/Jess, Lorelai/Luke  
**Rating**: T  
**Disclaimer**: _Rory, Jess, Dean, Lorelai and Luke and and all other recognizable "Gilmore Girls" characters belong to Amy Sherman-Palladino, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions, and the WB. There is no profit from the copyrighted characters or infringement intended._

**A/N I recently saw the "Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving" episode and was shocked to see that when Dean confronted Jess in the street and threatened to open a can of whup ass on him, that Jess did absolutely nothing. I think the Jess we all know would have gotten even quick. Anyway, that's the inspiration for this spoof I wrote.**

* * *

It was the first time Jess had seen Dean since the big breakup at the dance marathon and Dean's anger had just been fueled to the stratosphere after witnessing Rory kiss Jess. Dean confronted Jess as he was taking trash the out from the diner and warned him that he'd better watch his step from now because he wasn't holding back anymore for Rory's sake.

Jess angrily threw the garbage from the diner into Taylor's trash dumpster and made his way to the nearest pay phone. No one, not even Mr. Frankenstein, was going to make a fool out of Jess Mariano.

"Yeah, Uncle Pauley, it's Jess. I got a favor to ask you. There's some one here I need you to take care of. I'm coming to Brooklyn tomorrow to see my mom. I'll stop by your restaurant on Saturday and fill you in on the rest when I get there."

Little had Jess known, when he'd made that call, that there was someone lurking nearby in the shadows.

That Saturday, Jess strolled into his Uncle Pauley's pizza parlor in Brooklyn and showed him a picture of Dean that he'd stolen from Rory's bedroom and gave him a description of Dean's Thanksgiving night threat.

"Don't worry about it, Jess. I got you covered. You can rest assured, Doose's Market will have one less bag boy come next Saturday."

"Cool, Uncle Pauley, I owe you one."

"Fuhgeddah 'bout it. You're family – even if you are only ½ Italian. You don't owe old Pauley nothin'."


	2. Chapter 2

On the bus ride home to Connecticut, Jess started to realize he would probably be the first one fingered for Dean's rub out, so he knew he'd need an air tight alibi. He decided he'd ask Rory to go away with him for the weekend to Boston to visit her dad. At least if there were adults involved, he knew Luke and Lorelai would probably give their blessing to their getaway.

As soon as he got off the bus, he headed over to Rory's to ask her if she'd like to go.

"Hey, you!" Rory greeted cheerily as she opened the door and spotted Jess.

"Hey, Ror, I got something to ask you. Uh? Can I come in? Is that allowed or is your mom going to go all spastic on me?"

"Of course you can come in, don't be ridiculous!"

Jess followed Rory into the kitchen and she poured them sodas.

"You said you had something to ask me, Jess?"

"Yeah, you know, I remember you mentioning your dad lives in Boston. I've never seen Boston and I thought it might be kinda neat to take you up there to see the city and meet your dad since we're getting serious now."

"Wow, Jess. In a million years Dean wouldn't have thought of something that cool. There's just one problem."

"What?" he asked anxiously. He knew there could be major problems ahead if Rory couldn't come through on this one for him.

"Sherry!"

"What? Your dad needs sherry? No prob, we can bring him a bottle if that's what he likes."

"Sherry's my dad's fiancée and future mother of my half sister, GiGi."

"You're gonna have a half sister named Gigi? Yikes! I won't go there on that name. But getting back to Sherry, why is she a problem?"

"Well, she fronts like she's nice, but it's all an act and she's super picky about everything. I don't know if she'll go along with us coming there."

"You forget I can be quite charming when I want to be; otherwise I would have never been able to steal you away from Dean. Come on, let's give them a call."

Rory tentatively picked up the phone and started to dial the number, knowing Sherry, the hawk, would dive bomb on the phone the minute it rang.

"Hello?" Sherry answered.

"Hi, Sherry, it's Rory. Is my dad home?"

"Well, no. He's still at work, is there something I can do for you?"

"Actually I'm kind of glad he isn't. There is something you can do for me."

"Oh yeah? Great! What is it?" Sherry answered, trying to mask her irritation behind a voice dripping with excessively phony charm. She hadn't actually expected Rory to take her up on her offer.

"Well, I didn't get to see Dad when Mom and I came up for the baby shower and my boyfriend and I would love to come up to see you all next weekend, but seeing how things have been a little strained between me and Dad a little lately, I'd love it if we could make this a surprise. I also figured it'd be a little easier for you two if we came now before the baby's born."

Sherry bit her lip in disgust, trying to think of a way how to get out of this one, but all she could come up with was "I'd be happy for you and your boyfriend to come see us, but is this okay with your mother?"

"I actually haven't spoken to her about it yet because I wanted to see if it was okay to come see you first."

"Well, if it's okay with your mother, then I'll be happy to have the two of you come see us. And don't worry, mum's the word, I won't let your father know you're coming. Just do me a favor and let me know what your mother says in the next day or two so I can plan appropriately. You know me and my infamous scheduling."

"Oh yeah, well I'm that way, too, so I promise to get back to you shortly," Rory replied, rolling her eyes.

"You were brilliant, Rory!" Jess cheered. "You backed her into that corner so far, even Fifi saw it."

"Gigi, the baby's name is Gigi, not Fifi. I bet my mother would have liked that one. Speaking of which, she's our next problem."

"How come?" Jess responded. Getting a hit ordered on Dean had been a cake walk compared to all this.

"Well, she's not crazy about Sherry, she's not crazy about my dad right now and she still isn't especially crazy about you either."

"That problem is solved."

"Huh?"

"We'll go to the diner and get permission from Luke to let me go. Once your mother hears I've gotten the nod from Luke, she'll give in. Trust me on this one, okay?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Jess, I'm glad you're back," Luke greeted as he spotted Jess and Rory coming through the front door of the diner, "I need you to cover the diner for a couple of hours. I have to take care of a couple of things and Cesar couldn't make it in today."

"Under one condition," Jess countered.

"No conditions, Jess. You wanted to come back to Stars Hollow and I told you it would be under my terms, you don't get to make any conditions."

"I'm sorry, Luke. I don't want Jess to get into any trouble. This was my idea. I asked Jess if he could please come with me to visit my dad in Boston next weekend, but he said he needed to ask your permission first. Can he come, _pleaase_?"

"Well …. Since he actually had the courtesy to come and ask me for once instead of doing it behind my back and since he'll be with you and there'll be adult supervision, sure, why not?"

"Oh, thank you, Luke! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Rory gushed.

"No problem, Rory. I'll see you two later."

"Okay, well I guess that sort of helped. You can go, but I don't know how that's going to influence my mom into saying yes."

"You worry too much. If she gives you any crap, I'll tell Luke and he'll tell her how much this means to you and she'll be in stuck in that same corner with Sherry and Fifi."

"Gi – Oh, I give up! I gotta go, I'm meeting Lane for the movies, I'll see you later," she said as she leaned across the counter to give Jess a kiss goodbye.


	4. Chapter 4

Lorelai was asleep when Rory got home from the movies, so she decided to table the discussion about the Boston trip for the morning.

As she turned in to go sleep for the evening herself, she started to wonder about why it meant so much to Jess for him to take her to Boston. She was starting to feel a little uncomfortable about the trip, but she didn't want to upset Jess, she remembered what it was like being without a boyfriend and she knew Dean would never take her back now.

The next morning Rory was woken up by her mother, shaking her shoulder.

"Rory, wake up!" she ordered.

"Mmm! Go away! " Rory mumbled weakly, burying her head in her pillow.

"Rory, get up! I'm not in sister-friend mode right now; I in full on mom-mode so I suggest you listen and listen good."

"Mom! I'm trying to sleep. What's your problem?"

"My problem is that I was trying to sleep, too, and I get a call at 6:30 this morning from Luke, asking me what time you and Jess are going to Boston next weekend because he needs Jess to work the breakfast shift . When I was finally able to actually open my eyes, I asked him what he'd been smoking and he informs me that you went to the diner yesterday and practically begged him to let Jess come with you to Boston next weekend , I told no that couldn't have been my Rory. My Rory would have come to me first before she asked anybody else and then I hung up on him. Then, out of curiosity, as to whether Luke actually was operating under the influence of illegal drugs, I took it upon myself to call your dad. Of course, little Miss Perky Sherry was wide awake at that hour and answered the phone with that phony, cheery, deary, darling, nauseating voice of hers and informs me that she heard from you yesterday and now here I am sitting on your bed feeling like I'm the only one in New England who doesn't know about your trip. You want to tell me what's going on?"

"Mom! You were asleep last night. I was going to ask you this morning."

"Whoa! Whoa! You know we don't work in that direction, Rory. First you come to me, your mother, and then if it's okay with me, you go ask all these other people. And by the way, are you nuts to think about taking Jess up there to Bean Town to meet your father? Chris is the only man I've ever met in my life who's as sharp as me. He'll take one look at Jess and size him up for the monosyllabic, Fonzie wannabe, punk that he is, faster than you can say Kurt Cobain. He'll be hauling me into court and suing me for custody on the grounds that I'm an unfit mother if he meets Jess."

"How can you say that, Mom? Jess is the king of cool and I just know Dad will think he's cool, too."

"He's the king of something, all right, but it's definitely not cool."

"Mom, I'm in love Jess. Now can Jess and I go to Boston?"

"I don't think so, hon."

"Mom! I can't believe you're being like this. This was Jess' idea and he really, really wants to take me to Boston to meet Dad and I think that means a lot."

"A lot of nonsense is what it means. Rory, Jess has almost no respect for adults so why would he want to meet your father? I smell a rat and it ain't Mickey Mouse."

"Fine, Mom! I bet Jess'll break up with me over this and then I'll –

"Hold that irrational thought," Lorelai instructed as she heard loud knocking at the front door. "That's probably Luke at the front door coming over here to yell at me for accusing him of being a pot smoker."

Lorelai opened the front door and found herself face to face with Kirk, who was dressed in a black Armani suit, donning expensive looking aviator glasses.

Kirk flipped his glasses on top of his head and spoke in a voice that sounded far different than his usual, moronically stilted tempo, even his ever present, cartoonish expression appeared to have vanished for the moment. "Good morning, Lorelai, I'm sorry to bother you at this hour, but I have some serious business to discuss with you," he said as he flashed an official looking FBI badge.

"Kirk! I have my own serious business in progress. If you want to play Barney Fife, why don't you go buy some cat sized handcuffs from the toy store and arrest Cat Kirk, who, as far as I can tell, is the current biggest menace to public safety in Stars Hollow and what's with the Sgt. Joe Friday voice? Did you catch a Dragnet marathon on TV Land last night?"

"Lorelai, can I please come in?" Kirk persisted.

"Oh, all right. I guess I could use a comedic interlude right about now anyway. I can't wait to see what this one's about. Want some coffee?"

"Sure. Thank you," he replied as he followed her into the kitchen.

"Lorelai, before I start, I think there's a few things you need to know me about me."

"Oh, Kirk, I think I already know way more than I want to know. I don't think I can take much more."

"Lorelai, to begin with, I'm an FBI agent and I've been assigned to Stars Hollow for reasons I'm not at liberty to discuss."

"You're not an FBI agent…. You're the check out boy at Doose's and the clerk at the video store and the termite inspector and the cable installer, the pastries of the day reciter guy at Weston's and the…"

"Ooh! Ooh! And don't forget, he writes the pornographic messages for the Chinese fortune cookies at Al's Pancake World," Rory chimed in.

"All of those jobs that you mentioned were a vehicle to aid me in the surveillance of this township – except maybe the pornographic cookie writing."

"Okay! Okay! We'll play along. What's your current role as _FBI_ agent, got to do with us?" Lorelai asked winking at Rory and pouring her a cup of coffee. She was actually glad Kirk had stopped by; it seemed to be taking Rory's mind off her "trip" to Boston with Jess.

"I'm here to inform you that you and Rory that will have to come with me. You're being placed into protective custody. There's a van out there waiting for us now."

"Kirk! Are you out of your ever lovin' frickin'mind? Of course, you are! What a stupid question to ask. Kirk, Rory and I are not climbing into a van with you at 6:45 a.m. on a Sunday morning so you can play the Stars Hollow detective just so you have something to say to your mother for once at dinner when she asks you 'And what did you do today, Kirk?'."

"Actually, she's not my mother, she's my colleague."

Another knock at the door came, much to Lorelai's relief.

"Now that'll be, Luke! After he gets done yelling at me for accusing him of being a pothead, I'll ask him to throw you out of here Kirk."

"Lorelai Gilmore?" a man asked, flashing an FBI badge.

"Yes?"

"I'm here to take you and your daughter into protective custody."

"Come on, Kirk! We were willing to play along with your silly routine, but this has gone too far."

"We're not playing, Lorelai. I was hesitant to divulge my real identity to you, but you've been a good friend to me, despite the zany character I had to become to believably fit into this incredibly strange town. I asked my superiors to let me speak with you first because, even though I'm not officially assigned to this case, I wanted to grease the skids for the extremely shocking news you're about to hear from my fellow colleagues."

"You mean, you're actually - _normal_?" Lorelai stammered in disbelief.

"I'm afraid so."

"Well, I just want to say, Kirk, if that's actually your real name – your zany character has certainly provided a lot of entertaining moments for the citizens of Stars Hollow over the years. Come on, Rory, we'd better get dressed and pack a bag. Whatever this is about can't be too good."


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

As Lorelai and Rory climbed into the van, they were shocked to see Dean was also a passenger.

"Dean! What the hell are you doing here?" Rory asked angrily. "Are you really that desperate that you cooked up this scam with Kirk to be with me?"

"Don't flatter yourself. It seems the love of your life had a hit put out on me. Nice boyfriend you left me for, Rory."

"You're making that up and if this real, you're probably the one who ratted out Jess just to get him in trouble. You're going to pay for this big time. Jess would never have a hit put on anyone's head. He's wonderful and kind and totally the king of cool."

Dean rolled his eyes and turned away from her.

"Rory, honey, I think we need to get a nice, pretty white strait jacket for you and pick out some padding for your room. You have really lost your mind. He's trying to get Dean knocked off and you still can't see what a dangerous psychopath he is."

"But, Mom, Jess is so misunderstood, he just needs me to love him and –"

"Shut up!" all the passengers in the van said in unison.

Lorelai was through talking to Rory and she turned to Kirk to find out more details about this news alert.

"Kirk, I get that Jess was trying to have Dean knocked off, although why I don't know, I mean he has Rory now so I can't see any possible motivation, but I guess anything this creep does shouldn't surprise me. But what I don't get is why Rory and I are being put into protective custody."

"We got an anonymous tip that Jess made a call from a pay phone to put a hit out on Dean, and then we traced Jess to his father's relatives in Brooklyn, who are part of an organized crime syndicate. Jess' very association with this group has the potential to put you and Rory in danger because of his ties with them. He may have made them a promise of money or favors for the hit and if he doesn't deliver, they may come after you and Rory for revenge."

"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I should have gone with my gut and never agreed to let Rory go out with Jess. I guess I'd better get matching strait jackets. One for Rory and one for myself," Lorelai shrieked.

"Yeah, but mom, Jess is so misunderstood, he just needs me to love him and –"

"Shut up!" everyone yelled again.


	6. Chapter 6

"Where exactly are they taking us, Kirk?" Lorelai asked, as she stared out the window and noticed the sign read, "Welcome to Pennsylvania."

"We'll be taking you and Rory and Dean to a farm area on the outskirts of Lancaster to stay in an Amish community for a while. Our colleagues in New York have already arrested Jess' uncle and there a few more people there they'll want to detain. Once they have them in custody, it should be no problem to return you to Stars Hollow."

"Oh good, it sounds like you all have the matter in hand. That shouldn't take long, right?"

"Not really, maybe two, four, five or six weeks tops."

"Kirk! I can't stay away from Stars Hollow for six weeks, let alone live with Amish people for more than one minute."

"You won't actually be living with an Amish family. You'll be staying on a farm that's in their community. The house you'll be staying in will have all the modern conveniences, but it'll look like a regular Amish home on the outside. Anytime you leave the house, you'll be provided armed guards and you'll be expected to drive around on a horse and buggy and wear the traditional Amish garb. All your food and provisions will be provided for you and you'll have round the clock protection inside the house, as well."

"But, Kirk, I have work, Rory has school. If we're gone for six weeks, we might as well _be_ dead, because we'll have nothing to go back to."

"Don't worry, Lorelai, we're professionals and we're handling this in a professional capacity. Your employer will be notified about your absence and so will Rory's school. Under federal law, they have to accommodate our request to retain your employment and keep the contents of the conversation under strict confidentiality or be subject to possible prosecution. As for Rory's and Dean's school, we'll make arrangements to have their assignments posted online so they don't get behind in their work."

They rode on for another hour and finally arrived at their fake Amish house. They walked in and saw a guard posted on each end of the house. The inside of the house was plush with a giant, projection screen TV, a Bose stereo, video games, 2 desk top computers, a Jacuzzi in the master bath, a large, fully stocked refrigerator, a microwave and to Rory's delight, a study with a bookcase that held volumes and volumes of literary classics.

"Wow, an Amish house with all the latest modern conveniences and lots of food – my favorite _kind_ of Amish house," Lorelai smiled. "Maybe a forced vacation won't be such a bad thing after all."

"Well, Lorelai. We have to get going, but first I have to confiscate any cell phones that you or anyone else may be carrying."

"Kirk! No, I have to call Sookie and tell her I won't be around for a while and then I have to call Luke and yell at him for having such a scum bucket for a nephew."

"I'm afraid any phone communications right now are just too dangerous. You'll notice the modern conveniences of this Amish farm house do not include a telephone. The computers have been configured to accommodate main frame access only, for Rory and Dean's school work, to ensure you don't have access to email through the internet. As for Luke, we would especially not want you getting in touch with him, given his relationship to Jess. Also, I would imagine he's rather busy right now, since they arrested Jess this morning."

"Oh my gosh, you arrested my poor baby?" Rory lamented. "This isn't his fault. Jess is so misunderstood, he just needs me to love him and –"

"Shut up!" everyone said, including the house guards.

"Rory, baby, if I hear that 'misunderstood' refrain coming out of your pretty little mouth one more time, I'm gonna have to get out the duct tape to cover it and tie your hands behind your back. I know it's not the stylish white strait jacket I promised, but it's the best I have for now."

Lorelai handed over her and Dean's cell phones, along with Rory's, to Kirk and Rory sulked off to the study to read.

"Well, Dean. How's about we raid the fridge and watch a movie?" Lorelai asked, trying to make the best of a bizarre situation.

"Sure," Dean replied, smiling for the first time since he'd gotten the news that Jess was trying to knock him off.

They hit pay dirt with some frozen pizzas they found in the freezer and a Billy Jack movie they found on the video rack.

Lorelai poured some sodas and put the pizza out on the table for herself and Dean.

"You know, Dean, if I were Rory's age and lived in Stars Hollow and heard you and Rory had broken up, I'd have grabbed you for myself," Lorelai announced as she picked up a slice of the pepperoni pizza.

"Really?" Dean replied, almost shocked.

"Oh yeah, you are not only better than Jess, you are way better than most guys. I wish my daughter could have seen that."

"Well, I'd say most of this is Jess' fault. I always thought he was manipulative and devious – any way, now I guess I have my proof," Dean commented as he stared down at his slice of pizza.

"Manipulative is right. I think Rory's suffering from Stockholm syndrome. I can't believe she is _still_ sticking up for him. Oh my gosh, the trip! Rory and I were fighting about her and Jess going on a trip to Boston this morning. Now I know why Jess was so anxious to take her to Boston. He needed his out of town alibi!"


	7. Chapter 7

_Meanwhile, back in Connecticut …_

"Jess, there is no way I'm going to believe you're innocent," Luke thundered. "You might be able to fool yourself that you're innocent, but you'd be the only person on the planet stupid enough to believe that. Not even your own mother believes you. I called her a little while ago and she said she isn't even going to bother to come up here and see you…"

"Yeah! Well, that's a surprise," Jess replied, rolling his eyes.

"Don't talk to me anymore. You've ruined me and my reputation in Stars Hollow. I'll probably have to close the diner because of you."

"Well, gee, Uncle Grumpy, it's not like you had such a wonder reputation in town to begin with. Wasn't last year the fifth time in a row you won the "Grouch of the Year" award?

"Oh, those stupid awards from Taylor don't count for – I'm not discussing this or anything else with you anymore – you're on your own now Jess. Enjoy your time in juvenile hall."

As he started to leave the building, he was apprehended by Kirk. After fighting with him and the other FBI agents for an hour, he was finally forced to reach the same shocking conclusion that Lorelai had reached early in the morning and he was on his way to Amish country.

"Open up, Lorelai, it's me, Kirk," he shouted from the other side of the door.

"Kirk! What's Luke doing here? I thought that –"

"Well, we already knew he was going to be included in this protection program, but we thought it best he spend sometime with Jess today, considering his relation to the boy."

Rory came running out of the study the minute she heard Luke's voice.

"Luke! Luke! How's my baby doing? I know he didn't do it. Jess is so misunderstood, he just needs me to love him and –

"Shut up, Rory!" Luke responded and then turned to Lorelai with question marks in his eyes, not believing the intelligent Rory he'd known since she was a little girl had turned into a completely insane idiot.

"Oh, that. We've decided she's suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. It's easier to deal with her insanity that way."

"We?"

"Yeah, babe. Dean's part of the protection program, here, too."

"Oh!" Luke sighed. He was too embarrassed to face Dean for the time being so he excused himself to his room.

Later, Lorelai knocked on Luke's door. "Luke come out, you can't stay in there forever. Dean doesn't blame you for what Jess did. We need you to make the burgers. Then we thought we'd watch the 'Witness' movie and I'll turn down the sound so we can speak over the parts and make it all about Jess and us. You're a natural for the Harrison Ford role, you look just like him. Come on, _pleaase, _we're starving!

"I'll make the burgers, but we are NOT watching 'Witness'," Luke muttered as he finally opened the door.

"Fine, great, I'll go pick out another movie. Maybe they have the God Father," Lorelai commented as she went downstairs.

As every one sat down to enjoy their burgers, Lorelai had an announcement to make at the table.

"I've decided we should all go by Amish names. I'm gonna be Maria von Trapp, Rory's gonna be Gretl, Luke, you'll be Captain von Trapp and Dean can be Friedrich."

"You're picking out the characters from the 'Sound of Music' for Amish names?"

"Welp, I don't actually _know_ any Amish names, but I would if you'd let me play 'Witness'."

"Put it on," Luke grunted. "Only, DON'T turn down the sound."

"You're no fun," Lorelai pouted.

Lorelai popped in the movie and Dean popped pop corn for everyone in the microwave. Everyone sat and watched the movie in uncharacteristic silence until they reached the part of the movie where the Amish people went into town and were picked on by a dark haired bully.

"Aww, I love that guy. He's so sweet and cute, he reminds me of Jess," Rory cooed as the villainous character shoved his ice cream cone up the Amish man's nose.

Luke's eyes starting bugging out again. "I think we've seen enough of this," he commented.

"I think you're right," Lorelai agreed, quickly pulling the movie out of the player.

"Rory, honey, wouldn't you like to read for a while before you go to sleep? I noticed there's a nice selection of Russian literature on the bottom book shelf in the study."

"Okay," she responded, taking off to find her treasured books.

"_You _noticed a nice selection of Russian literature?"

"Yeah, well … the way her mind's working … or isn't working, right now, she won't even remember what I said by the time she gets in there."

"Well, I think I'm all movied out. I guess I'll go get some sleep," Dean said as he rose from the couch. Even after everything he'd been through, he really wasn't sleepy, but he thought Luke and Lorelai could use some alone time.

"Good night, hon," Lorelai said affectionately as she watched Dean climb the stairs.

"Man, oh man, I can't believe my daughter had a treasure like that and threw him away for Jess."

"Stockholm Syndrome," Luke commented, shaking his head.

"Yep. 'Fraid so. So Luke, what d'ya want to do now?"

"Oh, I don't know. We're in Amish country on a farm, we could milk a cow or something."

"Dirty!" Lorelai replied.

"Get your mind out of the gutter and go turn on the news. I have a feeling my nephew is going to be a tv star tonight."

"Yep! Yep! You're right – well he's _almost_ a star …"

_And in today's news ... an unidentified minor solicited Pauley 'Pickle Cheeks' from Brooklyn to take out a hit on another unidentified youth in Stars Hollow, Connecticut.  
More details after this commercial break!_

"Jess!" Babette, Miss Patty, Taylor, Mrs. Kim and Lane, Sookie and Jackson chorused in front of their own tv sets as they sat and watched the news back in Stars Hollow.

"Pauley Pickle Cheeks?" Lorelai laughed hysterically. "I'm sorry, I know he's a horrible, horrible man, but right now I'm finding that hilarious!"

"Come on, turn that off, let's go to bed."

"To our own beds or to?"

"Why don't we just try one bed tonight?"

"But the kids are in the house and …"

"Well, Rory is officially out of her mind and I really don't think Dean cares."

"Dirty!" Lorelai cooed again.

"I hope so," Luke murmured as he started to kiss her.

"Why, Captain von Trapp, how you do go on!"

"Come on, Maria," he said as he led her to the bedroom.


	8. Chapter 8

Kirk came over to the house a week later and was happy to announce that the case had been solved quickly and everyone was free to return to home and that he'd been reassigned to a new case and would be leaving Stars Hollow.

"Aww …. Kirk, you're going to miss our wedding if you leave Stars Hollow. This comic tragedy, had a big, bright silver lining. Luke and I got engaged this week."

"I wish I could come, I truly wish I could, but unfortunately I don't have much choice. Now that you all know I'm with the FBI, I have to be moving on to a new location."

"Stars Hollow won't be the same without you. I hope you'll like where ever they'll be sending you. "

"Thank you, Lorelai, I appreciate that. I guess we all should get going now."

"Rory, honey, Dean! It's time to get going!" Lorelai called out.

Luke and Lorelai were married the following weekend and Rory gradually got her sanity back and finally realized what a troubled individual Jess really was.

A few months later, Jess' case went to trial and he was declared guilty. As the prison van left the courthouse, on its way to the juvenile detention center, Jess spotted Shane in the corner of the courthouse parking lot. She spotted him, too, and gave him a wink and nodded her head before she turned away.

"Oh, Shane, Shane, Shane," Jess said out loud to himself, "you and I are two of a kind. Way to get revenge for me dumping you for Rory. I couldn't have planned a better payback myself," he chuckled, realizing she must have been in the shadows that night he'd placed the call to his uncle Pauley in Brooklyn.


End file.
